(Continuing from last week)
THE desire of the wife shall always be to the husband (see Gen. 3:16). The Hebrew word “shuq” rendered “desire” in Gen. 3:16 means ‘to run after, to have a violent craving for a thing” indicating the strongest possible desire for it. In spite of the control by the husband and pains of child birth, the woman would still feel an intense desire for her husband. The suggestion that this divine injunction is part of retribution on Eve and descendants of her type is strongly denied, and it seems more reasonable to conclude that this “desire” was given to alleviate the sorrows of womanhood, and, to bind the hearts of husband and wife more closely together. The reference to the husband here is emphatic; for any desire outside the conjugal rights within marriage is sinful to the extreme. A wife should not have any sexual desire that is not centered on her husband, otherwise, it is sin against her flesh, a blood covenant of sin against the spirit, soul and body; and a grave offence to her husband and an abomination unto God.
Likewise, a husband should render benevolence unto the wife realizing that she “hath not power of her own body but the husband and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife” (1 Cor. 7:4). In this passage, the equal rights of the husband and the wife is emphasized. Neither party has the right to deny the other the intimate privileges of married relationship — sexual intercourse. This however must be to the extent of decency and not to abuse this privilege. Married persons should consider themselves as united in the most intimate union, and with the most tender ties. By way of emphasis, for many Christian marriages have cracked and many others failed because of none reciprocity on issues of conjugal rights especially on sexual intercourse. Each is bound to the other for life on such issues, and neither party has the right to look outside the spouse for such a relationship, therefore in every possible way each is to show kindness, consideration and understanding on such matters for the other.
It must be emphasized that there is no virtue in husband and wife living separately from each other which at once denies, them the legitimate privileges of the married condition and expose them to temptation to immorality. It must again be emphasized that purity and virtue are closely related to the preservation of the marriage vow. The very nature of marriage implies that the granting or withholding of the marriage privilege (sexual relation) should not be the subject of the whim of either party (1 Cor. 7:4). Each has a claim to conjugal rights; always, however, with the divine qualification that God is to be honoured in all things (see 1 Cor. 10:31).
Knowing that his/her body is the “temple is of the Holy Spirit” (see 1 Cor. 6:19, 20), the believer will not permit the privilege granted him/her by marriage to become a cause for violation of the command to present his/her body without defect to the Lord. (See Rom. 12: 1). The body must ever be kept under the control of sanctified reason.
The issue of sexual relations in married life is a topic most preachers try to avoid and those who attempt to discuss it do so in such a way as not to give offence to any of their hearers, either by seeming outrage of language and expression or gospel cowardice. Apostle Paul dealt with the issue particularly in 1 Cor. 7:1-6; Eph.5:22-33, and in some other of his epistles. This is because the issue is often the cause that leads to divorce which God emphatically says “I hate divorce” (Malachi 2:16) and Jesus condemns in Matt.5:31,32. and Apostle Paul says in 1 Cor. 7:5 “Defraud ye not one another, except it be with consent, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency”.
The Greek word “apostereo” translated ‘defraud’ connotes, “to rob” “to deprive of’ The word occurs in the Septuagint (LXX) of Ex. 21:10 where a man is counseled, not to diminish the duty of marriage due to wife among other things. Christians are told that they must not deprive one another of the intimate privileges of marriage except for a limited time, under special circumstances, and that, by mutual consent, including unhindered participation is special exercises of the church, though not with any suggestion of promoting asceticism in married life, again this exception does not counsel that such refraining from privileges of marriage is necessary in order to engage in regular daily seasons of prayer, only that it is an allowable plan to adopt, when one feels the need of a special intense devotion such as “fasting and prayer” (refer Ex. 19:14,15).
Marriage guards the purity of the race, hence any attempt to introduce lengthly abstention from intercourse between husband and wife would tend to remove the safeguard against fornication that is established by marriage. In this view every recognition is accorded to the restraining power of the Holy Spirit, on the spirit and soul of a true believer, but to create an avoidable opportunity for Satan to harass a believer in a natural sequence of cause and effect under God’s permissive law is not the best test of Christian attribute of either husband or a wife. This is roundly deprecated by the Lord Jesus when He told Satan. “Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God” (Matt. 4:7; Luke 4:12) The reference here is to tempting God by the actions of men (believers sort of) The appropriate Scripture references of the issue here are Ex. 17:2,7; Deut.6: 16. in which the patriarch Moses reported how the children of Israel provoked God at Massah and Mariba by pressurizing Moses to give them water and in the process tempted and defiantly put God to test. And when Satan challenged Christ to jump down from the cornice of the temple, Christ quoted from Deut. 6:16 in Matt. 4:7.
A Christian wife should not succumb to Satan’s temptation to join issues always with the husband. Arguments in attempts to overwhelm the husband by logical evidence, generally speaking, is not the best way to gain understanding and acceptance of a husband. A spirit of nagging, argumentative vituperations is alien to the spirit, and methods of Christ. A Christian wife should be calm in spirit with unassuming simplicity. This will certainly stand her forth in sharp contrast with the self-assertiveness of women who always try to attract attention to themselves. Christian wives should follow Sarah’s example of gentle unassertive behaviour in their homes and elsewhere. Such behaviour qualifies them to be “daughters of Sarah” even as men of faith manifest qualities of their spiritual father- Abraham.
A Christian wife should not become upset by the frightening situation that sometimes arise from the attitude of a husband, especially an unbelieving husband, from problems that are ever present in rearing children, or from the ill-will expressed by unbelieving friends and neighbours. Regardless of the nature of these problems, the Christian wife should preserve “a meek and quiet spirit” (1 Peter 3:4). The problems of life drive her nearer to the Lord, they do not discourage her.
Much as the Christian wife regards her husband as the head of the home, the husband is not to take advantage of his prerogative. With knowledge born of divine love, the husband should never take advantage of his wife, nor, make unreasonable demand upon her (see 1 Cor. 7:2-5). He should thoughtfully and considerately fulfill all the duties of marriage wisely and unselfishly.
A husband in all situations and circumstance is to honour and cherish his wife, realizing that the wife is a “weaker vessel” (see 1 Peter 3:7) in comparison with man. In God’s sight there is no inequality between man and woman to the extent that they both are to share equally as co-heirs of the eternal kingdom which is the gift of eternal life as the product of God’s gracious kindness.
The responsibility and mode of conduct of a Christian husband is the final injunction 1 Peter 3:8 says “likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them (wives) according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered”.
The final clause of the foregoing, indicates God’s concern for a happy married life. The husband who does not treat his wife with Christian respect need not expect God to answer his prayers. This is founded on the principle of the Lord’s declaration in Matt. 18:19. “Again I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them by my Father which is in heaven” Family prayers, either penitentiary or intercession is calling on God to do something about a situation. In this, the husband and the wife must agree first on the thing; secondly, on how to present it to God that such might conform to His will. Apostle Peter in 1 Peter 3:7 is emphasizing that God cannot consistently bestow blessing on men who deal with their wives in an unreasonable, selfish and tyrannical spirit. In a sense, the mistreated wife’s petitions to God cancels out her husband’s hypocritical prayers.
In the like manner, a wife who dishonours the husband both in words, actions and denial of conjugal rights, yet indulges in adultery, violets the bond of marriage and should not expect God to answer her prayers. Apostle Peter in his First General Epistle Chapter 3 verse 7- states clearly what should be the divine relationship between a husband and his wife “as being hairs together of the grace of life …“ i.e co-hairs sharing equally of the eternal kingdom.
It must be remembered always that in the scriptures, the commandments of God do not stipulate particular punishments for the violation of any commandments or laws of God, but there is, general, but condign retribution which God permits to befall his creation at the appropriate time and circumstance. The reference to the hindering of the answers of the prayers of a husband who maltreats his wife is subject to the wife honouring and respecting her husband with knowledge born of divine love as co-hair of the gift of eternal life the product of God’s gracious kindness.
Finally, how remarkable it is that a relationship so accurately described centuries ago by Moses should still be rooted in eternal truth and divine decree! The sacredness of marriage is founded in the very heart of the Scriptures and eternally underlined as basic by the Holy Spirit. God willed that the beings He created in His image should be His chosen vessels to build a home pleasing to Him. In the NT, the Spirit reveals the divinely ordained relationship of man and woman based on the order of creation the leadership of the family resident in the husband, the eternal sacredness of the marriage vow, the kind of love that should unite husband and wife; and the purity that should characterize those who typify the Bride for whom Christ gave His life.
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