Before you go ahead to read this story, let me reduce the tension you might go through while reading. This story is a “forge-forge.” Do you remember those days you told little children strange and weird story while they listened with rapt attention? Do you remember also how they came to a sudden realization that you were just making up things to catch their fancy? When children become bold to tell you to your face that your supposedly well crafted story is a “forge-forge,” then know you have lost them in your “party.” They would definitely “defect” to an uncle or aunt who knows how to tell good stories. I could remember the day I lost my kids to another story teller. I began my story this way, “once upon a time, there lived a tortoise in America who owned a telephone. One day the tortoise entered his car to buy meat pie from the supermarket…” I did not finish the preamble to the story because my daughter quickly protested, “Daddy why do you like lying? Have you ever seen a tortoise drive or even go to the supermarket to buy meat pie? Allow us to listen to mummy.” For me that was game up!
Dave and Clara have been married 4 over nine years without children. They stayed with each other and hoped that they will have a child before their 10th marriage anniversary. They were being persuaded by family and some friends to get a divorce but there was a strong bond of love between them that childlessness could not separate. While Dave was returning from work one day, he saw his wife walking down the road with a man and they looked happy. Another evening, while Dave was coming back from work, he saw the same man dropped her off at the house. Dave became angry and sad. Two days later, after a hectic day at work, Dave was taking water with a glass jug when the phone rang. He picked it up and the person said ‘hello dear, I’ll be coming to your house this evening to see you as promised. I hope …..’’ and Dave hung up the phone. It was a male voice. He was sure the person was the man he had seen with his wife. He suddenly became shaky with this thought, ‘’have I lost my wife to another man?’’ At that point, the glass jug fell from his hand and shattered into pieces.
Clara came running into the room asking, ‘’is everything okay?’’ In anger, he gave his wife a push and she fell. She wasn’t moving or getting up. Dave then realized that she fell where he broke the glass jug and a large piece of glass has pierced her. He felt her breath, pulse and heartbeat but there she lay lifeless. His wife was dead. In total confusion, he saw an envelope in her hand. He took it, opened it and was shocked by its content. It was a letter and it read: ‘’My loving husband, words cannot express how I feel, so I had to write it down. I have been going to see a doctor for over a week and wanted to be sure before I give you the news. The doctor confirmed it that I am pregnant with twins and our babies are due in 7 months from now. The doctor also happen to be my long lost brother whom I lost contact with after our marriage. He has promised to take care of me and our babies and give us the best without collecting a dime. He also promised to have dinner with us today. Thanks to you for standing by me…… your loving wife.”
As the letter fell from Dave’s hand, there was a knock at the door and it was the same man he had seen with his wife… and he said …… “Hello Dave, I suppose am right, I am Max, your wife’s brother…..’’ And suddenly he noticed his sister in the pool of her blood, he rushed her to his hospital but it was too late, his sister, Dave’s wife was gone and so were the twins. What is the lesson here? In our relationships, which include our marriage, we should not be too quick in reacting when we have not questioned our partner or spouse on what we saw or heard about them. Communication, Trust and Patience are rare gifts we can bring to our relationship. Not everything we see or hear or believe is right about them. And to every man or woman, I pray that patience will have her perfect stay in you that you may be perfect and wanting nothing because patience is that great virtue you need to keep your relationship.
A man can also lose his wife to another man if he is too busy that the only time they meet is at night. Some men think that they way the feel during bodily connection with their wives at night is enough to supply her need for emotional “food.” Women are more interested in a bodily connection that shows that the man cares for them. Women do not want to be treated like the Niger Delta region of Nigeria. The Niger Delta Region of Nigeria is the most neglected region but also the most significant region. It appears that successive Governments are more interested in what they can get from her than what they can give her. Likewise, when a woman sees her husband behaving like the oil companies that come to milk the environment dry and leave her degraded, they do not look forward to any relationship with the man. A man ought to show that he is interested in the companionship of the wife. Most men hardly enter the kitchen or keep their wives company while they “labour” in the kitchen. All they do is to wait at the parlour and at the same time preferring the entertainment the actors on television are doling out. They would occasionally yell from the parlour, “Honey, how long would it take you to finish cooking? I’m very hungry!” Men who repeatedly do this have lost their wives. Women want to “gist” with their husbands. They may not be that politically savvy or football inclined, but when they ask you “stupid” questions like, “is it true that Messi wants to play for Enyimba FC?” They are only looking for a way to get along with you. The way they respond to political inquiries can make you laugh out tears. Laughter is a healer, allow your wife to do that for you. One wife who was asked by her husband to tell him the name of the Speaker of the House of representative responded this way, “Will knowing his name reduce the cost of groundnut oil? Honey leave that man alone, after all he doesn’t care about you.”
A man can also lose his wife to another man when he pays no attention to her quest to solve her health challenges. A woman who has been childless since her marriage visited the hospital for medical reasons. The Doctor told her to come the following week with her husband for some test to be conducted on both of them. The woman burst out crying. On further inquiry she revealed that the husband would not come. “He believes strongly that he is okay and does not need to see a Doctor. He thinks I’m the problem behind our childlessness.” A doctor once confided to a priest that these women who are medically okay to have children go ahead to get pregnant and have children whose paternity is not their husbands. According to him, these husbands continue to live on thinking that they are the father of their children, not knowing that another man is doing the job for them. This situation was made possible by male ego. It is no longer news that most of the causes of childlessness among couples can be attributed to the men. When a man refuses to submit himself for medical examination, and still goes ahead to demand a child from the so called barren wife, he stand the chance of losing her to another man. Most women are not really interested in keeping a relationship outside wedlock. The man of the house should be sensitive enough to know when he is keeping an emotional distance from his wife. Women are not just there to cook and make children. Some men place value on their wives not out of love but simply because they are engaged in an activity that is bringing in more money into the home. A man should not make it obvious that his care is based on what the woman is bringing home. He should just love his wife simply because she is his heartthrob.
