The dictionary meaning of rumour according to my Samsung Dnos mobile phone says that a rumour is a story or a piece of information that may or may not be true but that people are talking about it.
This definition serves my purpose for which I want to make it a subject for discussion.
In the same place, I found that the meaning of gossip is informed conversation, often about other peoples private affairs. It went ahead to give an example, that if you gossip with someone, you talk informally especially about other people or local events.
When I saw local events I simply shouted “KPOMKWEM” which may be interpreted straight talk or straight to the point.
Now hear this, I attended an occasion somewhere I Owerri municipality where the master of ceremony thrilled his audience by playing between gossip and rumour.
He so mesmerized the audience that people were spraying money on him but I refused to be amused.
He began by saying that he, the master of ceremony or me or he was popularly addressed would contest the 2015 gubernatorial elections in the state and that he was sure of wining but was not willing to disclose the political platform where he would contest. He enthused that in the Imo State political lexicon, that two words or factors as he called them would come into play.
The first he called “power of incumbency” and the second he called “federal might”. He proudly and enthusiastically announced that he has concluded plans and strategies to ambush, dislodge and finally defeat them even if the two per adventure agree to combine and fight him together he would still Triumph. All the questions thrown at him from the very funny audience received one answer “just want and see”. Then he warned that if after the release of the gubernatorial election result and you hear loud and continuous shouts of HELP HELP, then you should know that somebody is holding somebody tightly on the ground and tightly on the BLOKOSH.
I don’t know which part of the body that is but the hilarious laughter and other reactions that followed this proclamation is suggestive of something either funny or awkward. The mc then went ahead to say that immediately after his swearing in, he would order the immediate pulling down of all the “TWO STOREYED ROUNDABOUTS” which block the views of drivers and create blind corners for all on coming vehicles. He insisted that they should be reduced to real roundabouts.
He profusely apologized in advance to those who may be inclined to counting the cost of either their erection or dismountling.
He said that had the huge sums spent in erecting STOREYED BUILDING ROUNDABOUTS been used on the poor masses, that the level of hunger evident today would not have been so because many pensioners who are today dyeing without collecting their stipends would have been actually rescued.
You know that as the matter of ceremony he has a monopoly of the microphone.
To bring out the cacophony in his talks he changed the Mc to a possessive MYCROPHONE By so doing he personalized the instrument and advised anyone who feels offended to go and buy his own CROPHONE so we then had our words Microphone, Yourcrophone, Hiscrophone and Mycrophone and attracted more laughter. Everyone was compelled by circumstances to listen and hear him. Then came a bombshell he said that the worst offenders are the JUNCTION ROUNDABOUT AND TOWERS and mentioned Imsu junction, control post and Naze. The Mc said that while Abuja and Lagos boast of their of their sheraton and towers, Owerri can boast of Imsu junction roundabout and towers. He then said Welcome to Owerri the land of STOREYED BUILDING ROUNDABOUTS AND Towers. And there were more laughers. He pleaded with all attendees to the occasion not to go home without the talk home which he was about to give everyone.
He then began by condemning the type of roads and roads repairs going on in Owerri. He claimed that what he was going to say could be verified by anyone who cared.
The MC rhetorically asked if anyone has carefully taken a close and critical look at the roads constructed since this present administration that just spoil immediately after construction alongside the repair sites which soon become pot holes again and in each case left worse than before and soon become erosion sites.
He then proceeded with his quack engineering analysis. He said that it has been discovered that what actually is employed in the roads construction and repairs is not the ususal bitumen. He said in road construction, what obtains is asphalting and that asphalt is made from BITUMEN. He said that BITUMEN is black, sticky and not easily separable and therefore able to hold together and is obtained from CONLTAR or PETROLEUM.
The evil genius now threw a bombshell he said that what in being used in Imo state is BITUWOMEN hence the difference. He said that BITUWOMEN is made of white sharp sand and expired coal tar or perhaps grounded charcoal. He charged any doubting THOMAS to closely take a look at any construction or repair site soon after it rains. He said that very easily and quickly too, the rain washes away the charcoal leering the white sand behind and that unsuspecting motorists fall into the ditches believing there was a repair or that it is a new road and thereby contributing to the bad state of the roads.
He said that the take away he promised is that the rumour or gossip going among the people is that there is only one source of BITUWOMEN in Imo state and it is owned by a ranking member of the state protocol list.
He again threw another bombshell, that the contractors are compelled to use the bituwomen because they are not paid the real or actual cost of constructing a road with bitumen. He said that the amount paid the contractors cannot afford real coal tar bitumen.
All that the MC said gravitated between rumour and gossip and so was difficult for anyone to counter or confirm.
Some people in the audience kept wondering whether the MC was mere cracking jokes or revealing secrets.
Soon the MC veered into politics and said that the government of the day is very much aware of the shoddy jobs being done by her contractors on both construction and repair works as they want to use it for their campaign strategy.
He announced that all the CHINA or TAIWAN roads people are seeing now will exist until December or Christmas as he called it.
He said that the strategy is to injure the psyche of the citizenry by making sure that they did not enjoy any good road. On the interim but as the year ends massive good construction are repair works would be embarked upon so that all returnees and those at home will witness them. So as to increase the appreciation of the people with a view to supporting the governor and his new found love the APC to win the 2015 election.
The Mc finally said that there exist an alliance between the government and the contractors on the use of whatever materials which explains why no one has ever been prosecuted for shoddy job or abandoned ones. He concluded that all that he had said in the occasion can be found in the zone of the neighborhood of RUMOUR AND GOSSIP.
