It has been occurring to my right from the time I conceived this article, that the excuses that there is no job will soon become an inexcusable escapist reason for idleness and non productivity. I have also been wondering why lazy, unproductive and creativity lacking folks are called ‘drones.’ When I eventually checked Wikipedia, I came up with this summary The word ‘drone’ comes from the Old English ‘dran or dræn meaning ‘male honeybee’. In the 16th century it was given the figurative sense of ‘idler’ or ‘lazy worker’, as male bees make no honey, which is sometimes given as a folk etymology of the word ‘drone’ itself. The drones’ main function is to be ready to fertilize a receptive queen. Drones do not exhibit typical worker bee behaviours such as nectar and pollen gathering, nursing, or hive construction. Drones are unable to sting. This article is therefore a citation on Mr. Lazy Lousy Drone. There is this principle that one can learn from a bad person by choosing to live the opposite of his life. This article is a “how not to be lazy stuff” or rather how to be productive in life.
Proverbs 6:6-11 says “Take a lesson from the ants, you lazybones. Learn from their ways and become wise! Though they have no prince or governor or ruler to make them work, they labor hard all summer, gathering food for the winter. But you, lazybones, how long will you sleep? When will you wake up? A little extra sleep, a little more slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest—then poverty will pounce on you like a bandit; scarcity will attack you like an armed robber.” Based on this very insightful scripture, let me present to you Mr Lazy Lousy Drone.
Mr. Lazy Lousy drone works in a workshop which has existed from time immemorial as “Idle workshop International PLC.” Unfortunately for him the devil is his chief customer. If there was anybody to be called Mr Sleep, Mr. Lazy Lousy Drone will very much fit into the name. His reason for spending a greater chunk of man hour sleeping has always been, “What do you expect me to do, there is no job!” Though his claim is verifiable especially in the mouth of opposition politicians who promise change with a promise to revitalize moribund industries, the condition of Mr Lazy Lousy Drone has always remained the same even after the opposition comes in power.
Mr. Lazy Lousy Drone despite his so called poverty manages to recharge his Pay as You go television subscription. This he does for the purpose of occupying his mind whenever he is not sleeping. He knows the names of all the actors in Nollywood and Hollywood. He could easily tell you the day Osuofia was born and when Pete Edochie first appeared on national television but as for who the Vice president and President of the Senate of Nigeria is, how can he memorize their names when they are responsible for the unemployment he is facing?
Mr Lazy Lousy Drone does not care to attend any empowerment seminar because of the exorbitant fees, though he is never out of internet data for his facebook and WhatsApp. Paying to attend a skill empowerment workshop, to him is like being duped by smart guys who come promising what is not practicable in Nigeria. Unfortunately for Mr Lazy Lousy Drone, he spends a greater chunk of the money he received through Western Union Money Transfer buying recharge cards to answer questions that might bring him to the finals of “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” As for sports betting, he is into it full time and knows the name every player on the English and Spanish league and yet cannot play football. He even knows which and which player will move from Broussia Dortmund to Liverpool ever before the player starts thinking of it. He has a dream of playing in Chelsea with Morinhuo as his coach even though he thinks he is too big to start from the Nigeria domestic league. Ever since he came back from National Youth Service he has been waiting for six years now for his brother living and working in Paris, France to send him a visa to come over. Asked why he would not pick a job to keep himself busy while waiting for the ever elusive visa, hear him, “Is of no use spending your hard earned knowledge in Nigeria where you are paid peanuts, by the time I am paid my first salary as a player in the English League, I will make up for all these years of idleness.”
Mr. lazy Lousy Drone is a procrastinator per excellence, he believes that there is still time. To him there is no need starting a business with one hundred thousand Naira because it will not work and therefore he will have to wait for his “people abroad” to send millions to open a “happening” boutique around a five star hotel in Lagos. Apart from waiting for his people abroad, he intends to sell the last plot of land in the village to pay for his expired rent in town. Asked why he would not sell the land and start a business with the proceeds, hear him once again, “Financial proceeds from sale of land does not work in business. Any business you start with “land money will surely fail.” A Christian tried to enlighten him by quoting Psalm 24:1: “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it. The world and all its people belong to him.” Mr Lazy Lousy Drone’s reply was this, “Na only for Oyibo land Bible dey work, all these our African demons no gree for that one o!”
Mr. Lazy Lousy drone will always insist that starting business in order to be gainfully employed is of no use because it will definitely fail. He believes in failure more than he believes in success. In fact his final statement or conclusion after presenting or reading a business plan is this, “The odds are against us, the environment is not conducive, and therefore even though this would have made a very good mark in solving our unemployment challenges, I am afraid that it will not work.” Mr. Lazy Lousy drone fights and runs forever, if he losses and no amount of motivational speaking will rouse him from slumber.
Mr Lazy Lousy Drone loves to receive gifts and sees them as a right. He strongly believes that he should be the one being given rather than the one giving. He does not believe in team work and suspects that every successful business man must have soiled his hands with some form of “juju” or “magomago”
Ladies and gentlemen, shouldn’t we give Mr. Lazy Lousy Drone a standing ovation?
