Marriage is an aspect of life that is closely knitted by God. The maker of heaven and earth presented a finished work which is a masterpiece in relation to the home and marriage. Little wonder two hearts that are not one and walking in different directions suddenly see themselves and through acquaintance their hearts begin to beat as one. The oneness attitude should be seen in everything they do.
Also the two people that have been joined as one should know that before even they came together as one they both sat down and through mutual agreement came to be as one. The decision of the oneness was not imposed on them. It was done in agreement, little wonder why on their wedding day their faces beamed with joy and happiness. The tonic or the reason was that they found love through agreement. In their little closet after the wedding both are wrapped up in warm embrace and each savouring the breath of the fresh air of love which they radiate.
However while everybody expects that this love should abide forever, the couple opens a tightly closed window and allows polluted air to flow in. What kind of wind? One may ask?
The wind of disagreement, imposition of one partner’s will on another, different activities of irresponsible disposition set in and the love front suddenly grows sick to the detriment of all including the children. Most of the time when you seek to know the cause of the quarrel you will discover that they are indeed minor issues.
Recently I met a couple whose house was on fire and the reason was because they were arguing whether to have a joint account or not. The man of the house woke up one morning and summoned his wife in the shrine of his government with himself as the prosecutor. What was the issue? The man told his wife that he had sat down and thought over the fact of the two having a joint account and as a result had summoned the wife so that she can close her personal account for them to have a joint account. The woman objected and quarrels arose. One of the man’s accusations was that the woman was not prudent in her spending. According to the man she expends so much of her salaries on clothes and jewelries and the rest go to her fathers house. The man concluded his argument with a hard decree that the woman must bring her salary and submit to him so that they can open the joint account. The man further advanced the reason that he married the woman and as such everything about her, including her salary, should submit to him.
The woman of course objected to this decree and provided her reasons which included that the money belongs to her. It is her labour and sweat and so she has exclusive right over her earnings. It was at this point that the man reminded her of what the book of Ephesians in chapter 5 talks about: that a wife’s submission to her husband is unquestionable. The wife quickly reminded him of the section of the bible that says that any man that cannot take care of his family is worse than an infidel. Of course with all these reasons the fire continued to rage and the evil fire is almost consuming the entire marriage. It was actually this story that necessitated this write-up because I know that there are many houses out there that are burning as a result of this issue of joint account.
Consequent upon this let us consider some candid opinions on this matter. Like I earlier mentioned every issue between two people should be resolved through agreement, not minding if they are a couple or not. God himself did not impose his will on us. He simply showed us the way to the right path and left the choice between the good and the bad for us to decide. What he provided was a counsel. It is left for man to decide which path to follow. If God in his majesty did not impose his will on us but gave us freedom of choice, how and why then should a mere mortal impose his/her will on fellow adults?
As far as I am concerned there is nothing wrong with a couple keeping a joint account if they so wish. But the decision to do that should be made by both. They should come to a compromise before such ventures are embarked upon and whereby one of the parties refuses, it should not breed fire and brimstone in the family. A joint account is good in the sense that it helps to check the family’s expenditures and helps also to have a proper financial base for the family, but where it works for one family it may not work for another. If a man or woman tries to make his/her spouse to have a joint account it has to be done through reasoning it out. This is because no one has absolute right to impose his will on another even if that other is your wife.
There are cases where some men are lazy. They don’t want to work hard to provide for their family simply because such men feel they have rich wives who must cater for the family. In spite of that they still want the woman to account for every money she makes. This is practically out of place. She has the right to her money and if she says she will not surrender all to you she has done no wrong.
As a man it is your sole responsibility to provide for your family. The bible said it. It even sounds absurd that a man will stay at home while the woman runs around to make money for the family. I am not disregarding a situation where the may be jobless due to no fault of his. If this is the case, the woman should be made to understand that the challenges of joblessness which the man is facing is not of his making. This is the time the woman should treat the man in all fairness with respect, and give him all the necessary support/help he requires. I believe that through prayers everything is possible. He will soon overcome.
However, if within this period of the job challenge for the man, the woman becomes the bread winner, the man should realize that sometimes the burden of taking care of the home may be too much on the woman and she may sometime exhibit some funny or naughty behaviours. Nagging the partner at this point of their weakness is out of the way. Accommodation helps and encourages the partner to do better. Through doing the little he can to make her happy, the integrity of the home front is preserved. This is because it is not her duty to be the only one catering for the family. It is the husband’s but when the man of the house can not because of certain circumstances the woman should bear with the man and also pray and encourage the man to pull through the difficult times instead of nagging and quarrelling.
Remember: No two marriages are the same. So do not compare yours with another. If a joint account has worked for Family W, it may not work for Family ‘B’. Discover what works for you and follow it. I believe that with such perceptions, walls of marriages that are on the verge of collapse can still be rebuilt through love, dialogue and mutual respect to each partner.
God’s grace as you resolve today to retrace your steps where you have missed it.
Love you all that try to keep the home peace together.
