Christmas is a big celebration in Igboland. The reason is that ninety percent of Igbos are Christians. And it is a period all Igbo people living across the globe head home to be with their relations.
Unfortunately, it is a period also when Ndigbo make fast money, unlike during the Muslim celebrations when brethren bring down prices of every thing for easy and smooth celebration. Instead Igbos use Christmas period to make a kill. But this does not matter at all, as the people usually prepare for this period which they see as a time to “liquidate” all they laboured for from January to December. They therefore head back to their bases the next January to replenish the empty purses, for yet another December.
Particularly in Igboland, Christmas is a season for weddings, apart from other celebrations like house warming, football championships, child dedications, naming ceremonies etc.
In Igboland, women count their marriage chances in Decembers. One, every woman who misses December without doing her wedding believes that that year is gone, and therefore waits for the next December. Two, it is also a period for young ladies to hook men for relationships that may lead to marriage. Three, since every man that worths his salt in Igboland must come home from wherever he lives on earth during Christmas, it also creates opportunity for many bachelors to abound in town, and also for them look for wives.
But what is very noticeable now is that marriages are no more frequent as it used to be before. If marriage is frequent as before, you may judge from your family and friends. If you have daughters, how many have married recently? If you have friends that have sisters, ask them how many that have married? I know you have sisters, how many have married lately?
Despite the dearth of prospective bachelors, I want also to state here that there are girls getting married every day. But believe me, it is not so frequent as before.
This brings us to the question; why are these our daughters and sisters not marrying easily just like our mothers did in their own time? Why are our brothers and sons not getting married quickly these days? Let me say that I have a Boss who has eight daughters and all of them are married today. Yet, I have another that has five girls and they are all at home, despite their education qualifications and exceptional beauty. There is the other that has just one girl, and she has gone to the husband last month.
I think that the present economic situation in Nigeria has helped in producing the number of our sisters and daughters roaming the streets. How do I mean?
In the last count, Nigeria has over twenty six million unemployed male graduates gallivanting the streets. Apart from being the future of Nigeria, these starving able bodied youths are the prospective men who ought to have reduced the number of unmarried women in Igboland, and beyond.
A bad economy has spiral effects in all the spheres of the society. Apart from making these young unemployed male under graduates un-productive, they are also a problem to the society. These men who ought to have been “men” enough to get married and give grand children to their parents are rather liabilities to their parents, at such ripe ages.
A man who cannot feed himself cannot contemplate marriage. In order words, poverty is one of the contributing factors militating against young girls getting married. Their “husbands” are out there looking for none available jobs.
It is in places like Anambrs State where men give themselves economic targets (like owning fleet of cars and houses) before getting married, but not in Imo State, where women are married to support their husbands, even if not financially but morally and by taking care of the “home branch” while the man “hustles” for the entire family.
But the unfortunate thing now is that the current male graduates are more “theoretical” in approach to things, than being practical. The age of computer, indomie, and handsets have made our men lazy.
During our time, despite having parents that were comfortable to train their children, I sold souvenirs in the University to argument with what my Civil Servant parents give me. And that was the zeal that I faced the “world” immediately I left school. Rather than look for job in Oil Company or Bank with a BA in Arts, I chose my career, which does not yield quick cash, but today I employ about 15 graduates.
Slow and steady wins the race. But the males of today believe in quick cash, instead of engaging in little jobs that can give you a beginning, and you then wait for the big one. After all you don’t gain experience without starting from somewhere.
There is a saying that says “There is architecture in a destroyed Art”. Despite the harsh economic condition in Nigeria, a “real man” can still make it and marry any of these our sisters. Don’t rate yourself when you are nothing. Let action speak louder than voice. Your hardwork will identify you, no matter how difficult things are in the land. I had loaded vehicles in Owerri, with my Degrees tucked inside my pocket, when my good friend, Ifeanyi Etoruom ETOKAMS, ran a Transport Company, “Owerri Municipal Transport Company”. Rather than go beg him for money every day, I joined others to load the Buses, to his surprise because of my back-ground. But I had to do the menial job to survive, than stay idle and beg for money from parents who had spent a lot to see you through your education. All those things are today in the past. And it could not stop one gaining the height God sets for you.
While we also talk about the male folks and their inabilities to reduce the number of unmarried women on our streets, the women are the main culprits.
From what is happening now about the stinking immorality among the women folk, the young men who are ready to marry them are scared. What young girls of today are doing frightens the “old school”. Women have reduced the dignity of womanhood. There is nothing that challenges a man than a woman proving difficult during “Spinning, TT, or Toasting”. This pushes the real man to “conclude” the “battle” to know he is the man. During our time, you can chase a woman for a full year. But these days, a girl you have never set your eyes on before will follow you and only ask about your name after you had finished “sleeping” with her.
The Lady pretenders also miss their husbands. These are the girls who want to act “Big Girls” when their parents live in “Bacha” at Amakohia. They see a very serious young man that has good prospect, though not rolling in cash, but sincerely loves them, yet shun him and look for the “flashes in the palm” who will not take them serious, except for bedding only. This same serious-minded young man ends up making it tomorrow, marries, and the “Big Girl” is still roaming the streets of Owerri looking for “Mugus”.
How many young girls today can manage a home? Your husband leaves for work, gives you feeding money and you cook well, keeps the home neat, and conducts yourself with acceptable behaviours. Not “as in” or “yaya” girls. Do you see your husband as your second saviour after God? Do you respect him?
Many unmarried ladies let their fathers’ wealth get into their heads, believing that their husbands must be like their millionaire fathers. You can start in one bedroom apartment, and make it in life. It is your own life, since your mother and father have their own to live. Your destiny can never be like theirs. That your father is rich does not mean you must marry a stupendously rich man. It means you are looking for comfort, but does not cherish your husband the way he is. Therefore, when ever the situation changes, you begin to look for a way out of the marriage and swell the number of unmarried girls. Please, remain in that marriage and adapt to your new condition, it is not permanent. You can change it for better.
In a bid to enjoy life to the brim, most young women of today have used their “husbands” as “Boy friends” because such girls are not ready yet. They shun marriage proposals, waiting till they have slept with all the big men in town, and in the process damage their reproductive organs in abortions and drugs.
Later, when such ladies recollect themselves, they discover it is too late, and run into one church, become an usher or choir member. In the process, a man who had also used all girls available and got tired and ran into church also runs into such a lady. They get married, and after many years without children, they blame each other, and that becomes the end of the marriage.
Unfortunately, married women are causing the unmarried girls stresses of no husband too. Today, most married women do not care any more about infidelity, as they prefer these young ebullient men looking for jobs. They give them “jobs”, especially the women married to old rich men.
These married women “spoil” these males with gifts, while they use them as their sex toys. Thinking that they are “enjoying”, these naïve young men forget that these women using them already have homes with children who will take care of them in their old age.
Before such young men discover what hit them, they would be approaching 40-50 years, and without wives and children. That is the danger of being a gigolo.
But why would married women keep “Boys” outside their matrimonial homes? Many of them give stupid reasons like “My husband does not handle me well in bed”. “He travels a lot and leaves me alone cold at home”, “My husband does not have time for me” etc. Two wrongs can never make a right. Assuming your husband is promiscuous, is the only alternative to join him, or to persuade him to drop the useless behaviour?
However, what I discovered that makes many married women have extra marital affairs is greed for money, usually caused by slavery to fashion. A fashion crazy lady whose husband is not meeting her financial demands, will ever look outside to make it up.
Bad friendship also leads women into fornication, including those married and unmarried. A bad friend can easily influence her peer group to start having boy friends outside their marriages.
Lack of love has also done a lot of havoc in marriages. Because husbands are scarce, most ladies easily pretend to be in love with their man, until after a certain time, especially if the couple has got children. The woman knowing that she has “arrived” and built a “foundation” will simply begin to look for fun outside, since she did not marry the husband out of love, but just to have a roof over her head and have children of her own and help her own family.
But there are women by nature that will ever look for men outside their matrimonial homes. They are the habitual sex viruses who cannot do without it, no matter what you do to them.
Their husbands are rich, showers them with what ever they need, they are handsome dudes, a horse in bed, yet the wife cannot get enough. These type of women marry every year, and still run away, and continue to complain to their friends how bad their husbands were. But the real truth is that they are sex machines and cannot be satisfied by any man, including the young fresh bloods.
May God help you with a wife who loves you the way you are, and fears God like mine. And may God help our sisters and brothers get married this Christmas, Amen.
