Not getting married is not a curse as some new age religions seem to be saying. Marriage is neither the pinnacle of life’s achievement as some seem to believe. This stigma of single-hood is gradually becoming a problem to the women. Why should a lady allow the fact that she is not married or has passed the age of marriage to bother her to an extent that it affects the way she relates with society? Why should a lady allow this fact to make her appear inferior before others? No one wishes a lady single-hood for life except she has undertaken such as a result of religious vow, but not all cases of single-hood, delayed marriages are actually the making of the lady or spiritual factors. A lady who has passed the age of marriage and possibly child bearing is still loved by God; in fact she is the apple of God’s eye! There are so many factors that could be the reason behind delayed marriage or never getting married at all. Some of these are listed below:
LACK OF PARENTAL COACHING: Some parents hardly talk to their children about the fact that one day they will have men wooing them for marriage. They do not take time to let their children know how to make informed choices and by the time they or their daughter wake up, it might be too late. Some parents however are overbearing, they stand in the way of their daughters by becoming the one to determine when, whom and origin of their daughter’s husband. Some girls for instance are told not to marry an Owerre man because some prejudicially believe that he has a care free attitude to life, (atala ugba nnuo mii). Others just erroneously insist that their daughters will not marry a Niger Deltan (Nbamiri) simply because of the prejudice that they do not make a serious husband. Unfortunately for some ladies, this creates confusion and resentment for the “No go areas” as stipulated by their parents. The point here is that parents through their comments and indoctrination can contribute to a lady not getting married at all or in time. Some parents insist that their daughter will not marry because she is the bread winner of the home or simply because she has to take care of her sick or aged parents or worst still a sibling. Another “unholy” way parents help to fuel delayed marriage is by not letting their daughters know everything about their family history. Parents should tell their children the whole truth about their family history including whether they are for instance the so called “osu” out-caste. (This though does not have a Christian backing but it is important that children be told at least their family history.) It is embarrassing to a lady to hear about her origin from outsiders who in most cases tell them these not for their good but as a means of demeaning them. Children have a right to know their family health history no matter how derogatory it looks. This will help to reduce the incidences of broken engagements. When you know yourself and your past, who you are becomes defined and you speak about who you are with dignity and not with fear and shame. A Christian should not be haunted by his/her past, but knowledge of it enables him/her to face the future in the light of the fact that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Rom. 8:1).
Being from a wealthy home does not make it a law that you must marry a man from a wealthy home. Being a university graduate does not make it imperative for you to marry a university graduate. Being a medical doctor does not make it a law that you must marry a lawyer or somebody who read a professional course. Being a Yoruba girl does not make it compulsory for you to marry from the Yoruba ethnic stock. Being an Anglican does not make it a must that you must marry an Anglican. Being the daughter of a Roman Catholic Knight of good standing does not make it compulsory for your children to marry Roman Catholics. All these are myriads of “weird” stuff we use either to delay the marriage of our children or having them not marry at all. Some parents insist that their daughter will finish her master’s degree and doctorate before she embarks on marriage. All these hurdles and family laws or traditions do not help a lady at all.
“MARRIAGE IS NOT IN MY MIND”: Some ladies excuse away their lack of interest in marriage by claiming that marriage is not in their agenda. No matter how spiritual a lady claims to be, it is still advisable that she creates room in her heart for a possible marital relationship. This will enable her to prepare in advance and also be able to decode when a good suitor is at hand. One key to greatness is to anticipate greatness. Likewise a lady should be able to anticipate that she would likely get married in future and prepare herself for this onerous task. Preparation is a veritable instrument for excellence. A lady who accepts she will one day get married has been enabled to begin acquiring relationship and character skills that will be of benefit to her when she eventually gets married. It is often difficult to learn how to use the left hand at full blown adulthood, hence the need to prepare, practice and anticipate what you want in future or what you are likely going to face in future. Preparation also enables one to know when the right man has come. Preparation enables one to face the challenges that a new status will bring. Remember that our model and savior, Jesus Christ often harped on the need for those who expect his second coming to prepare. This charge of Jesus the Messiah shows that one cannot walk into bliss by just being carefree and nonchalant about it. To the ladies out there, professional/career development is good, but please do not make yourself insensitive to suitors by claiming that marriage is not in your mind. There may be a time you will wake up only to find that the suitors are no more!
