Experiences over the years with a couple of friends, relations and acquaintances have revealed to me that most women belong to the husbandless unions. How, one may ask, can a woman belong to a husbandless union? Well, the natural way is when a woman is not legally married to a male friend and yet they live together and engage in all activities which married couples are recognized with. They may even have children in the process.
However a woman who is legally married should enjoy all the benefits inherent in her marriage. She should enjoy the company of her spouse and the financial empire of her husband. Every thing the man has should be hers as hers should as well be his. The couple are meant to share their dreams together as well as plan for the future together. Everything they do they do as a couple. That is why they can sleep together on the same bed wrapped in each other’s warm embrace until the day breaks without the feeling of discomfort whatsoever. They can as well lie naked without any feeling of guilt. Li fact, if there is any feeling of guilt in such circumstances like sleeping together, bathing together, getting locked together in one room all alone, then something definitely is wrong with their union. This is because though they are two, they represent one body and heart. That is why they are two hearts that beat as one. You get to understand this mystery of two in one better when you experience, as I personally do sometimes, when in trying to put a call across to your husband, your phone wrings and it is him calling. At such moments, you sit back and ponder the strange development. I very strongly believe that such instances are indications that the two minds are working as one.
But these days, it is dis-heartening to know that most hearts that should beat as one are all beating different tunes. Worst is that some couples do discover the different beatings of their hearts before walking down the aisle, yet hey proceed to the altar and say “I do” with the hope that they will panel-beat their hearts back to the rightful position. These sets of people forget that what unites a couple is the feeling of love that comes from within that attracts two people together. It is that feeling that will make you both hold hands together and walk boldly on the street willing to introduce yourselves to those that care that you are friends. Why contemplate coming together when that feeling of deep sense of love is not in them? The resultant effect will be that after the marriage ceremony you may look around, and you will not find your husband any where. So before you say “I do” to any one, you should look properly so that you may not have to look for him sometime in future.
That not withstanding, the most horrifying is that of those who experience this feeling of love and realize that their hearts beat as one, and actually take the decision to walk down the aisle hand in hand, and at the end the hearts will begin to quake. As though that is not enough wahala, by the time you know it the whole bliss of marriage will come crashing like a pack of cards at the slightest touch. And when it crashes, some will not mind living together inside a crashed marriage without even making the slightest effort to rebuild their unions. The next alternative is to seek solace in other peoples apartments which sometimes may have cost such people efforts to build strongly.
It is really amazing to know that a couple can stay in one house for months without talking to each other. They put up pretentious attitudes of wellness to strangers and relations who visit. Both of them can stay in the parlour and chat with their visitors and entertain them very well and once the visitors are gone, the recoil back into their shells.
Consequent upon this, I did undertake a study to know some of the factors that cause couples to live like strangers and enemies under the same roof. You may be shocked to hear some of my findings. The promiscuous nature of the human specie was a key factor. There is this story which is not just a story but a true live story about some people I know very well in my university days, who after their weeding, lodged in one of the finest hotels in town for their honeymoon. They were supposed to stay two weeks in that hotel but after four days, the lady informed me that she will be coming back in two days time and I became worried as to why the honeymoon should be cut short. We did not talk much on phone. So I waited for her to come back to know whether she was serious or just pulling my legs. Two days later she came back with a very long and sad face. So, she indeed came back and I was really shocked. Of course you know my ears were really primed to hear her story even though I tried not to betray my anxiety. She then told me how her supposed sweet heart lodged another girl in the same hotel where they lodged and had to leave her in their room to attend this his ex-girl friend. She actually caught them kissing themselves under the stair case on the second night of their arrival for their honeymoon. What a shame to newly-weds! Of course that development led to a major quarrel and that terminated their happy moments together. She had no option than to come back to school since she had no face to relate such an ugly experience to her parents who would feel greatly disappointed with their newly- wed son-in-law. Fight over him? What is there to fight for in such a man? What if she got killed?
My friend’s experience is what goes on in most homes. Ask me if they were still able to come together again? Yes, they managed to reconcile. Truly, as at the last time I saw them she had just resigned herself to fate managing a randy husband who should ordinarily change his name to a he-goat.
Most women who marry such men do decide on actions for themselves. After probably long years of talking over the same issues have yielded no positive result, have therefore resorted to taking the bull by the horns. They have said to themselves: “I can actually begin my own promiscuous life, after all age is till on my side”. Of course out there, there are a thousand and one men who are the likes of their husbands. So off they go and before long they have their own man friend outside wedlock. And come to think of it, a whole new world opens up for her. At the beginning, she moves in faltering steps but after a while she becomes a professional and begins to enjoy it. The blissful moments come when a woman who because of inattention from her husband cannot afford to buy certain items now begins to enjoy wealth such that she can now afford to buy gold jewelry, wears and most interestingly indulges in trips abroad once in a while. By the time you know it the woman will begin to pray that the husband who sometimes travels outside his home and stays days because of his “business engagements” should find more time for such engagements and such business trips outside his station, fervent prayer indeed. And when the so called enjoyment from her de facto husband (outside her marriage) becomes too fantastic don’t be surprised that she may even begin to pray that the legal husband should die so that she can have her fill. “After all he started it all” she will justify. Alternatively, she may also even begin to pray that her de facto man’s real wife should die so that her route will be free. The funny thing about the whole scenario is that both of them still come back to the same house and pretend to be sweet and honey when indeed the real sweets and honey are outside.
Hear me, you husband outside there reading this piece, you really have to come down and observe your wife properly. The woman you call your own may have another man who calls her first thing in the morning to tell her “I love you” and the last thing at night to remind her how she is the most beautiful queen in the world. When she begins to look unusually happy that you are traveling, you watch it. When she
no longer nags you or asks you for money, also watch it because some one out there, whom she considers most decent, loving, interesting, exciting, most intriguing and most importantly caring is out there in a world of unearthly romance with her and you are there posing as her husband.
But come o, if you find out what do you do? Throw her out? No!, you really need to pull yourself together and ask yourself questions as to what you have done that may have contributed to her nasty behaviour. How many sweethearts do you too have out there? And frankly, honest answers to these questions will help in rebuilding your home again. You must pick up your phone and dislodge those creatures out there that are distracting the peace of your marriage. When you have cleared the bush path, then you can now have access to calling your wife to order. Surely you can do that not by quarrels but through an overdose of love. When you show the love that surpasses the one she is getting out there, she will come crashing to her knees begging for forgiveness. And trust women, once they come back, it is total.
Did I hear someone saying “Nina I won’t do it”? No you must do it because that is the only way to bring back peace and harmony in your home. Thereafter you both will live happily ever and your children will blossom like trees planted by the side of the river because the environment of their nurture is peaceful, lovely and serene.
God’s Grace!!
