An article on the page of Crosswalk.com says, “Love” should only be used when you mean it. Everyone has a different significance and connotation of what “love” means as well as the timing and situation it should be used. “I love you” is sometimes used flippantly to mean, “I love this ‘thing’ we have,” “I love how you look” or “I love how you make me feel”all of which can and often will change over time and may be a reason why many seem to “fall in” and “fall out of” love so quickly. I have chosen for myself to use those words very sparingly and would only consider it when I am fully committed to furthering a serious relationship, and with select “friends” who I am committed to support, stand by and are family to me.”
In all my teachings about this issue of falling in love, I always insist that young people should not be in a hurry to fall in love. When the feeling of love comes, try to knock it off by engaging in other meaningful activities. What many interpret as love may actually be lust or infatuation. This principle is especially applicable to young people who are sexually matured but are not yet ready for marriage. Many however, discover this late after they have pierced themselves with many sorrows. The Bible states what love is and is not:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Cor. 13:4-8 (NIV)
Love is not proud: Have you seen people who boast about how many girls they have been able to sleep with or begging them for friendship or defrauded of their virginity? Have you seen young girls who boast of their ability to defraud men of their money and belongings? Have you seen people who place themselves so high that they feel that anybody coming to them or agreeing to marry them is most favoured? This kind of attitude is not of love driven.
Love is patient, perseveres and protects: Men especially are in a hurry to propose and they sometimes are not willing to be patient enough to allow the girl time to think over the proposal. They want to propose today and get the answer from the girl today. The ladies should be careful here because when the marriage or courtship begins to experience some challenges they quickly remember that the lady was quick to agree to the proposal and some may interpret it that the lady is not virtuous and maybe, that was how she used to accept proposals from every “Tom, Dick and Harry.” The Bible says love is patient. How do you know that what you are feeling is love? The answer still remains -be patient, watch and pray. As you watch you will see more reasons why you should continue or quit. As you pray you get more convinced and resolute about God’s leading. A man or woman, who is in a hurry to have sexual relation with the person he or she claims to love, displays a character of impatience. Anything that is crafted in a hurry ends in a hurry and regret.
Love is kind: Love is not rude and self seeking: “In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David… Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.” “Don’t, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me. Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!” ” (2 Sam 13:1,10-15. NIV.).
Amnon claimed he loved Tamar, but what he did to her later showed he was not kind. He was wicked. Unfortunately there are many silent rapes that go on in our days. Many of our young girls have been secretly forced to a sexual relationship against their will by the man who claimed he loved her. Some of them do not end up booting the girl out like the case of Amnon, the men rather end up begging for forgiveness and attributing it to passion and the devil. What is most stunning however is that these girls still continue in such relationships even after they have been raped. Let me add here, Love is not foolish! During my adolescent years I heard my seniors in the secondary school laughing over how they used to “Discipline” their girl friends. One of them said that the day he discovered how his girl friend so loved him was the day she came to visit him and he asked her to kneel down and raise up her hands for failing over an issue. According to him the girl humbly complied. The other one went ahead to narrate his own story of how he flogged the girl friend with few strokes of the cane. To them the compliance and so called humility of these girls showed love. This to me, is real bullying, rudeness, demeaning and outright foolishness.
Some people enter into a relationship with what is in there for me. They think only of what they will gain from the relationship and not what they can offer or bring to make the other person better. For instance some girls will continue to love a guy as long as he has enough money to spend on her. To her that is love. Such people easily abandon the relationship when the money is gone. There are also men like this who can be referred to as gold diggers. They attach themselves to a girl in the name of love but what they are actually looking for is her money. Some girls foolishly enough, (especially those with the stupid and unfounded so called biblical philosophy that husband is scarce), keep pumping money on the guy. By the time the boys have eaten enough of the mugu, they dump her for a wiser girl. It is rare to get a man who would like to marry a foolish woman.
Some selfish men engage a lady simply because of the sexual pleasure they derive from the person. These men are quick to deny a pregnancy or encourage abortion. Some will abandon the girl as soon as she becomes sexually irrelevant to him due to sickness or refusal to submit body on demand. Young people entering into relationships that might lead to marriage should understand that their bodies are not like utensils to be surrendered for use at demand. Your body is what you use as a sign of the marriage covenant. That is why the men at marriage pledge to forsake all other women and also pledge their money and possessions to the woman. The women simply in turn or reciprocation, pledge to exclusively honour their husbands with their bodies. When a woman therefore goes about offering her body to a man who has no lifelong solemnized commitment to her, she is only disgracing herself before a man with her body.
Love keeps no record of wrongs: If what one confesses is truly love then there should not be a diary of wrongs kept for the relationship. There are those who can quote the exact time, date and venue of a particular wrong done to them. Some quit a relationship as soon as they discover a past which the person has long repented from. Some men on suspecting that their partner whom they are engaged to, might be involved in sexual relationship with another man, rush to break the engagement. In most cases the men too have their own skeletons in the cupboard. Sadly enough when a man commits adultery it is pardonable, but when a woman does so, she must go. Somehow Jesus Christ addressed this in John 8:7 “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” (NIV) The truth of the matter is that the Bible says we all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory. (Rom. 3:23). No man is free on his own power. This should not give us the leeway to continue to sin, but we must remember that the Bible says, “Don’t put your servant on trial, for no one is innocent before you.” ( Ps. 143:2)
Love does not delight in evil: There may be some men or women who wish and pray for the death of their spouse so that they can be free to marry another. This is evil. If the person you are engaged to laughs at your misfortune or does not show any form of empathy and sympathy with you in your time of distress, then he or she is not in love with you. That spouse one wishes to die so that the opportunity may come to marry another might not be the problem. If however, this opportunity arises and a remarriage becomes possible, one may discover that the problem he or she encountered with the late spouse will still resurface. Sometimes we may discover to our dismay that we, not the other person, needs an attitudinal and character change!
Love trusts and hopes: I have had a case of a man who quit a relationship because the lady always stole from his wallet each time she visited. According to him the lady showed lack of trust and hope that she, was entering into the relationship as an heir. She saw herself as a stranger and that was why she stole from the man. Supposing you have access to your partner’s ATM card and password without his knowing, will you try to access the funds especially if it runs in hundreds of thousands or even millions?
